Growing 39, June 2000
Anger: Understanding a Misunderstood Emotion

Featured Writer: Jim Shackelford, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist

All emotions have a goal. This goal tends to remain active until its purpose is reached. At that point, the feelings evaporate and the person no longer feels the emotion—fear, shame, guilt, anger, etc. For example, fear warns us of danger and mobilizes us to allude or avoid it. Shame warns us that we are acting in ways others will reject and find unacceptable and motivates us to hide or conform.

One of our most complex emotions is anger. Anger appears to have a number of goals. Anger helps us overcome frustration, pushing us towards success. It is used to influence others to comply with our wishes, to back off, or to change. And it is used to answer the anger of others, establishing our independence, demanding respect, countering and protecting ourselves from aggression. These are challenging goals. To be utilized effectively, anger needs to both communicate and motivate to make things happen that are positive and not negative outcomes. This is a big order.

Managing anger to achieve its goal sometimes encounters a number of problems. Some people seem to explode very easily, while others have fuses that never get lit. Some say and do too much, while others apparently react too little. Undercontrolled anger makes others suffer. Overcontrolled anger places the person in the role of a victim.

Undercontrolled or excessive anger interferes with the achievement of crucial goals and blocks effective change. Excessive anger is viewed as irrational, stupid, unproductive, destructive of trust and raises resistance to cooperation. Excessive anger becomes the focus with sight being lost of a solution or strategy for addressing the problem. And excessive anger blocks personal change. It motivates us to keep fighting. In its extreme forms, excessive anger can get out of control, inflicting injury on others through rage and violence.

Overcontrolled anger also interferes with the achievement of crucial goals and blocks effective change. Effective expression of anger is needed for self-protection, for standing up for our rights and for motivating us to seek change.

Ron and Pat Potter-Efron describe three clusters of anger problems: masked, explosive and chronic anger.

	Masked anger includes those that avoid anger at all costs, seeing anger as bad, dangerous, nasty, or ugly. They fear loss of control, rejection, punishment, getting stuck in anger, or guilt. Masked anger also includes those that avoid acknowledging their anger directly. They sneakily and indirectly show it by forgetting, being uncooperative, lazy, procrastinating, playing deaf, dumb or helpless.
	Explosive anger includes those known by the quick, exaggerated, and sometimes dangerous character of their anger. They shout, yell, swear, throw things, break objects, threaten, shove, pinch, bite, and hit. Explosive anger includes those whose anger comes on quickly, suddenly and goes away just as fast. They are often baffled over others’ reaction, thinking “what’s the big deal, it’s good to get it out.” It includes those who are sensitive and react defensively when they feel criticized, put down, or ignored. They may harbor a deep sense of feeling defective, ashamed. Shame and rage get closely connected. Explosive anger includes those who get angry deliberately and intentionally, who throw tantrums and “go crazy” when they don’t get their way. It is used to control, distance and manipulate. And explosive anger includes those that get high on the adrenaline rush of being angry. They get hooked on the excitement.
	Chronic anger includes those that stew in their anger and can not let go easily. There are lots of reasons people develop the anger habit. Anger or tantrums worked for them—parents gave in, attention was given. With practice, anger became a reliable strategy. Others learned by observing parents, siblings or peers interact. And others with long histories of bad times, poverty, abandonment and abuse, built up bitterness, resentments, and hostility. Life gave them lemons, so they became sour. However they learned the habit, anger now has become automatic, what “feels” normal, and compulsive. In addition to habitual anger, chronic anger includes those who are morally outraged or righteously indignant. A superior attitude is adopted that excludes humility, empathy, flexibility or selectivity. A final variation of chronic anger is hate. Haters store up resentments and treat themselves as helpless victims. Their anger blocks living effectively in the present and enjoying life.

The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Overcontrolled (masked) and undercontrolled (explosive) anger cause us and others problems. Chronic anger creates a life filled with bitterness and resentments.

Recognizing the healthy function of anger, its goal and purpose, is a first step in understanding anger. Anger is a normal part of life. It signals us that there is a problem to address. At its best, it motivates us to take action. It helps us stand up for ourselves. It counters the aggression of others. When expressed in moderation, it often helps solve problems.

However, when problems remain in spite of our best efforts, letting go of anger is essential. Hurts, resentments and chronic anger only hurt us—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Being wise means knowing the difference between when to use our anger courageously to address a problem and when to let go and accept what is rather than what we would wish things to be.

References:
Melvyn Fein, I.A.M.: A Common Sense Guide to Coping with Anger (Praeger, 1993)

Ron and Pat Potter-Efron, Letting Go of Anger (New Harbinger, 1995)

Back to Growing Index