September 2002
Persistence
Featured Writer: Gregg Dana, M.A. Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor

I have been thinking about the personal quality of persistence as I have painted the exterior of our home this summer. Whenever the weather and my energy level permitted I have put on my painting clothes in the early morning and worked on this project, first prep work and caulking, then the first coat, and now the second coat is almost done.

Webster's definitions of persistence can be summarized as refusing to give up, continuing firmly or steadily, a quality of lasting tenaciously, even stubbornly. Coming from her Hoosier farmgirl background, my mother had her own definition: she called this quality "stick-to-it-iveness."

In thinking about this quality as I have persisted in housepainting, my first conclusion was that sticking to an activity is not necessarily a good thing. There are all kinds of persistent behaviors that are unfortunate or at least ineffective. If we continue to do "what we have always done," ignoring the fact that it never works, we prove beyond any further doubt that we should do something else. If we yell, "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!" and act tenaciously but without regard for possible consequences, we may find that our refusing to give up has brought us real disaster. Addicts are among the world's most persistent people, continuing their addictive behavior stubbornly in the face of the clearest possible evidence that they should stop.

As I have caulked and painted, it has become clear to me that the quality of persistence is only helpful if I am doing something worthwhile, and doing it well. Misguided projects or unworkable approaches will never bring about success no matter how much we persist. I recently saw a tee shirt logo that illustrated this perfectly. In large medieval script it proclaimed, "The floggings will continue until morale improves."

Persistence is valuable as a personal quality because there are activities and goals in which success can be achieved only with stick-to-it-iveness. Modern life offers us all kinds of shortcuts and quicker and easier ways to do things. Technology can make many tasks simpler and faster. But there remains a long list of things for which there are no quick fixes or easy answers. In those parts of our lives, persistence can be the key to success and happiness.

In marriage, the core promise of a couple's covenant with each other is their commitment to stay together and work together through all the changes of their life. "In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow" they promise to persist together. Any honest, post-honeymoon couple can report moments when their relationship is less than blissful, when they find each other annoying, when there is no easy fit between their differing wishes and ways. If either spouse is short on the personal quality of persistence, such moments can lead to over-reactions that diminish or even threaten the marriage.

When we become parents we discover that bringing home the first baby changes us from ordinary people into "mom" and "dad," and life is never the same. When our parenting is working well, the rewards are rich and irreplaceable. But every mom and dad knows those trying moments when children push patience beyond its limit, when caring for kids is an unpleasant chore, when parenthood makes it difficult for us to pursue our adult pleasures. If we are to achieve the goal of launching our children into adulthood with the necessary competencies and the certainty that they are deeply loved, we must find within ourselves the resources to persist through the tough times.

In our spiritual lives, persistence is an essential quality as we seek to have solid foundations on which to build our lives. There will be memorable times of clarity or certainty, when our spiritual practices put us in touch with the deepest truths about God, the nature of our world, and the meaning of our lives. But there will also be times when worship services leave us untouched, when members of our religious community seem intolerable, when all the truths we have believed for years seem distant and unsure. The great religious traditions teach that in times of darkness and confusion, persistence in our spiritual practice can lead us toward a renewed faith.

As a girl my mother got up at dawn every day of the year to do her chores, bringing the cows into the barn, helping her father milk by hand, separating the cream, churning the butter. This dairyfarm lifestyle taught her the value of stick-to-it-iveness. My early mornings painting our house have given me a chance to learn the same lesson. Sometimes steadily, sometimes stubbornly, I have continued my work, moving the ladder to a new spot, double-checking that it was safe, caulking or painting what I could reach. Then I climbed down and repeated the process, finishing each morning by closing the paintcan and cleaning the brush.

This summer I have proven that I can persist in painting a house, refusing to give up, continuing tenaciously until it is done. If I can persist as steadily in working toward the goals that mean the most to me, as a husband, father, and person of faith, I will no doubt be more successful at achieving them.

Featured Writer
Gregg Dana, M.Div., M.A., applies his training and experience in family systems theory and brief, strategic, family therapy with people who have identified specific concerns or issues and are eager to discover new ways to understand and solve their problems—especially couples experiencing marital difficulties or families with challenging teenagers.

He is also a leader of the Marrying Well Seminars which are designed to help couples prepare for marriage. They include presentations of informative material interspersed with opportunities for each couple to talk together and apply the concepts and tools to their own relationship.

For more information on the next Marrying Well Seminar, call 847.518.1800.

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