October 2003
Seeing Farther in Winter
Featured Writer: Gregg Dana, M.Div., M.A.

The trail winding through the nature preserve near our home is a tunnel of green foliage. Many kinds of plants and shrubs line the walkway, and the branches of trees almost touch overhead. When I walk on the nature trail it is a deep pleasure to experience the extravagant growth of the natural world that surrounds us in an Illinois summertime.

One of the best moments when walking in the nature preserve comes when I see the whitetail deer that live there. The deer are unafraid of people, so they normally stand quietly watching as I walk past. Occasionally something startles them, and they bound away with their white tails flying.

I realized recently that I had not seen the deer for quite a while. I started to look for them, and I discovered that I can't see very far into the woods now. In the winter, the annual plants were all dead, and the trees and bushes were bare of leaves. Nothing blocked my vision as I walked the trail on cold mornings. As spring came and the plants came back to life, my ability to look deeply into the forest and see the deer that live there was reduced. It happened gradually as winter turned into spring. As much as I welcomed the brightness and warmth of springtime, I also recognize the losses that came with the change of seasons.

It seems to me there is a valuable metaphor in this experience on the nature trail. Especially as I work with people who are struggling with distress and seeking to make changes in themselves or in their life situations, it seems useful to think about three features of the changes we experience in our lives.

I. When we are living through a wintry time in our life, even with all the bleakness and darkness, it is important to remember that there are valuable elements in those difficult experiences. Most of us can identify times when we suffered through negative situations, bad decisions, serious losses, interpersonal struggles and other hard times. If we reflect carefully on those experiences, we may also find the lessons we learned as we went through the school of hard knocks. Perhaps we gained a clearer view of what really counts in our lives. Perhaps we came to understand important truths about ourselves or about life that we never would have encountered in easier times. Perhaps we experienced in a new way the depth of other people's love for us. Perhaps we found in ourselves resources of strength and courage we never knew we had.

The long darkness of winter nights and frigid bite of winter winds can make us long for sunshine and warmth. But the stars sparkle with a special brilliance on a cold night. The air in winter can also be described as crisp, clear, and bracing. In the winter seasons of our lives, we can learn to embrace the struggles and find in those experiences reasons to affirm the richness of human life.

II. When we are fortunate enough to be living in good times, walking paths that are warm and green, it is important to remember to respect, even affirm, the views of people who are traveling a more wintry journey. They can gain perspectives through their struggles and suffering that are hard to find in happiness or success.

People who may be labeled as under-achievers, weirdos, sad cases, chronic complainers, tough guys, or drama queens got to be the way they are by some kind of formative, perhaps difficult, experiences. The struggles of their lives deserve compassion, and the personality they developed deserves respect. We show respect by acknowledging that by living through stressful times they can teach us lessons in coping. They have had no choice but to learn about patience, resilience, managing stress, living with discomfort, and sustaining hope. The Counseling Center's staff acknowledge that we have a special privilege in listening to and learning from people as they tell us their stories, which often contain elements of unusual strength and courage in facing difficult times.

III. The truth is that every change involves both loss and gain. In situations where we seek a change, we are glad to give things up in order to achieve our goal. But we make a mistake if we ignore the losses of our change process or deny their importance. It is the goal of every parent that children grow up well, but cuddling on mom or dad's lap ends forever. Getting married finishes the excitement of dating. On warm mornings I feel the delight of walking in the nature preserve without my winter boots and coat. In order to have emotional balance in my life, I must also be aware that I am no longer seeing deer, feel my disappointment, accept the loss, and notice all the joys of summer days.

When we face a sad or unpleasant change, we have to find ways to manage the stress and cope with the discomfort. But it is also necessary to deal with the disorientation we feel when we encounter the positive elements of that unwelcome change. When we lose a job, we don't set the alarm so early in the morning. The death of an elderly loved-one frees us from sad trips to the nursing home. Inheriting money happens when we are grieving, but the extra dollars may solve financial problems.

In just a few short months the trail will again be icy and the trees bare. I will miss the warmth and green. I will respond in a more balanced way to the losses of the coming of winter if I remember that I will once again be able to see the deer.

As the nature trail changes with the seasons, my times of walking there give me a chance to ponder the changes in my life, which includes enjoying warm, green times and coping with cold, fierce times. On every walk, I look for deer, celebrating when I see them, feeling my disappointment when I don't. In winter I see farther.

Featured Writer:
Gregg Dana, M.Div., M.A. has been on the staff of the Counseling Center since 1995. He is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and an ordained Presbyterian pastor.

Gregg applies his training and experience in family systems theory and brief, strategic, family therapy with people who have identified specific concerns or issues and are eager to discover new ways to understand and solve their problems—especially couples experiencing marital difficulties or families with challenging teenagers.

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