June 2003
Acknowledging Our Limitations, Acting on Our Gifts
Featured Writer: Gregg Dana, M.Div., M.A.

In the twelfth chapter of his first letter to the Christians of ancient Corinth, Paul writes that people have a variety of gifts. To illustrate this point he uses the metaphor of the human body, made up of many parts with a variety of distinct functions, all of which are necessary for health and success as we live. What our hands do well is impossible for our ears. Our nose possesses the gift of smelling, and no other part of our body can do that. Each of us has some special abilities, and we can't do things that come easily to other people. This truth seems obvious, but a recent incident got me thinking about the importance of discerning our strengths and weaknesses, and making choices that allow us to use our gifts.

Our piano tuner came to our home recently to do her semi-annual service on our piano. She and I were visiting as I wrote the check, and she asked me if I play the piano. I told her I had taken lots of piano lessons in my youth, but I lack the talent I needed to be a good pianist. She responded by telling me how she taught herself to play as a child, never having a single piano lesson. She admitted to having what I lack, a natural gift to make music at the piano. I said, "If you had been given all the piano lessons I had as a child, you might be a famous concert pianist." We both laughed, but I am not sure either of us was really amused.

Some success gurus and positive-thinking advocates tell the people who come to their seminars or watch their info-mercials that they can achieve any goal with the help of the proper techniques and mental attitudes. Some parents tell their children that they can do anything and be anything if they try hard enough. I believe such encouraging statements to be dangerously false. Each of us has specific strengths and weaknesses in our mind, our body, and our character. When we do what we are good at, we are likely to achieve good results. When we attempt tasks that bring out our weaknesses, we are prone to disappointment, if not complete failure.

I remember vividly the day on which I concluded that I simply do not possess the ability to play the piano well, regardless of my motivation or effort to do so. Admitting that truth was both very difficult and quite liberating. It was painful to conclude that all of the years of lessons and hours of practice were largely a waste. I was my mother's best hope for having a child who could play the piano as she did, so I knew she would be disappointed. I knew I would miss the appreciation of other people because I could play. But at the same time, admitting the truth freed me from further struggles to reach an unachievable goal. It explained why playing recitals had always been so much harder for me than for other more-talented students. Best of all, the energy I had spent on the piano could now be devoted to other pursuits using the talents I do have.

I suspect that the woman who tunes our piano also has vivid memories of childhood disappointments when no one figured out a way for her to have the piano lessons she wanted. Her musical talent and desire to play were obvious at a young age. No one acknowledged her gift and provided her the resources she needed to achieve the level of skill of which she was capable. She may enjoy her profession as a piano tuner, but she may also live with deep sadness because her musical gifts are not being more fully utilized. Maybe she really could have been a famous concert pianist.

One of the maxims of Alcoholics Anonymous is that it is insanity to do the same thing over and over again expecting each time to achieve different results. This saying means that if we are to live sanely we must pay attention to the results we achieve in our lives and learn from them truths about ourselves and the world. Things that go well can help us find our strengths. Struggles, disappointments and disasters can help us learn about the gifts we lack.

There was plenty of evidence that my piano playing was not going very well. It would have been very nice if I or my parents and teachers had understood my lack of talent earlier. I might have been able to find another musical or artistic skill I could do well. There were clear signs of our piano tuner's gifts. If someone had discerned and encouraged her special skills, her life might have taken a very different path.

The Apostle Paul was correct that we possess a variety of gifts that complement each other like the parts of a human body. When we all bring our best abilities to our families, our workplaces, and our neighborhoods, those skills combined can lead to healthy, thriving communities. If we know and acknowledge our weaknesses, others can use their gifts to compensate for what we don't do well.

When it's time for some piano playing, I know better than to volunteer. I hope that our piano tuner, or some other talented person, will take their place at the keyboard.

Featured Writer:
Gregg Dana, M.Div., M.A. has been on the staff of the Counseling Center since 1995. He is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and an ordained Presbyterian pastor.

Gregg applies his training and experience in family systems theory and brief, strategic, family therapy with people who have identified specific concerns or issues and are eager to discover new ways to understand and solve their problems—especially couples experiencing marital difficulties or families with challenging teenagers.

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